A Tale from Zorgon 17

"But why Jacabazoid?" The children of Zorgon 17 were inquisitive.  But their nanny-bot knew better than to answer all of their questions. Jacabazoid knew every fact in the 7 galaxies including that the children's questions were only a ploy to determine the most painful death delivery method for whatever creature they might come across next.

"Woof-pooie-graw, Woof-pooie-graw" shrieked the class hamst-izard.  

The children's wide eyed gaze instantly shifted from Jacabazoid's stories to the adorable fur ball which slithered around it's mini space castle.  The unfortunate creature had injured it's 7th eye while climbing out of its nest, and the children saw the perfect opportunity to fulfill their sadist needs.  Their little tentacles dropped their auto-crayons and grasped their live-dissection toolkits. "FFFFFFFLOOOOOOMIP" A blazing mega-laser light instantly disintegrated the young demons. All that remained was the caramel scented purple dust of their corpses. Jacabazoid finally avenged his father, who was a toaster.

• For more information on creating genetically engineered animals visit: http://www.fda.gov/animalveterinary/developmentapprovalprocess/geneticengineering/geneticallyengineeredanimals/default.htm
• For more information on mega-lasers visit: http://davidszondy.com/future/tesla/teslaray.htm

Hippies Have Ruined Treehouses

There was a time that treehouses were meant to escape bears and to live in closer vicinity to your monkey butlers, monkey chefs, and monkey chess competitors.

But now that dream is dead.  Hippies seem to to think treehouses are places for yoga, herbivore-ism and origami.  Well they're not.  Give them back hippies.  Get your dirty hippy bare feet off of our floor built with man planks.  I don't care about your organic yogurt! And I don't care that you churned it yourself!  And comb your hair! Only Jedis can have rat tails.

• For more information on monkey training visit: http://www.ehow.com/how_2056641_train-pet-monkey.html

The Gift of a Stuffy Nose

Public bathrooms are no place for human beings.  But sometimes when you're trying to hypnotize yourself with your own wrist watch on the subway platform, so that you can try to unlock your psychokinetic powers, your fingers slip because they're greased up from eating nachos, and you accidentally throw your watch into the watercloset, and have to go get it.

In which case, nothing saves like the sweet gift of a blocked nasal passage, which will ensure that you stay ignorant of the horrid scents which only demons can produce in the salle de bain.

In conclusion: Don't end the magic - never blow your nose in the bathroom.

• For more information on hypnosis visit: http://www.hypnosisblacksecrets.com/hypnosis/hypnotize-a-chicken
• For more information on keeping your hands grease free visit: http://www.cdc.gov/handwashing

Magnets Should Be In More Things

Magnets should be in all things that ever need to be closed. Because I dream of a day when I won't be getting awkward and I assume jealous looks from elevator riders as I enter through the doors, because my magnet fly will have magic-ed itself closed thanks to the scientific wonder that is magnets.

NO! Maybe YOU should wear underpants mustached man from apartment 4B! ....what a jerk.

• For more information about underpants visit: http://www.boxerbriefs.com/history_of_underwear.htm