While in my workplace bathroom one sunny morn, enjoying a good old fashion bowel movement, a fellow colon-cleansing colleague occupied the adjacent stall. What followed was a cornucopia of sounds and smells that I felt truly defined the pooping pirate to my right. It's as if raw emotion and truth was spraying out this good soul.
I thought to myself, if only I could discuss the great accomplishment this mud-making man had just achieved in my presence. A high-five, a fist bump, a firm handshake, a tender non-gay embrace. But alas, this was not meant to be, as this soiling soldier finished his business and left before I could join him outside. All I had to remember he and his trek were his shoes, visible under the stall side wall. If only something could have let me identify this deuceing dude. Solution: shoelace IDs.
Sure I could take note of every pair of shoes in the office, and create a photographic database, using key descriptive words to describe each pair, so after dropping off my feces in the toilet I could search for the shoes I had just seen, then identify the person wearing them, then find that person in that office, maybe invite them to get some coffee, then talk about what they had just accomplished and how proud I was of them. But taking that many photos of shoes could take hours.
A simple "John Smith, Operations Manager" photo ID secured to a sneaker could have saved me hours of awkwardly explaining to people why I was photographing their shoes. Because I HAVE A HEART THE SIZE OF A BRONTOSAURUS, THAT'S WHY!
In conclusion: Write your name on your shoes, and you might just get a hug out of it.
- For more information on pirates visit: http://www.thepirateking.com/
- For more information on the database administration visit: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Database_administrator
